What's wrong with the negative?

As a mom, I really try to promote the positive that my daughters do each day.  Whether it is school, their sports, musical talents or attempting something for the first time, I always try to find something that they did right and tell them how proud that makes me of their accomplishments.  However, I have to say that there are times when I think it is appropriate to tell them what they have done wrong and how they can do it better. 

So this post was sparked from the teacher who was suspended earlier this year because she wrote some comments that she would like to put on her student's report cards.  I am not going to write out what those comments were, as I don't necessarily think it is important to this discussion what she wrote.  It got me to thinking though... my own daughters' report cards have cookie cutter comments that do not really tell me much about ways for my child to do better.  Everything is so "colorful rainbows and fluffy white clouds" when it comes to the comments on the report cards.  Thinking back to my own report card, I remember reading comments like "does well in school, but is a bit of a social butterfly" or "quite a jokester in class".  Not all that bad, but it pointed out my flaws.  The flaws that needed to be pointed out. 

How do we expect to be better at something if all we are told is the positive?  Part of learning and growing is accepting that we are not perfect and working towards being better at whatever we are doing.  If my child keeps reading that she's "a model student" or that she "has a great understanding of the curriculum" what does she have to strive for?  As my child's parent, I know my kid isn't perfect and I accept that it is the job of the educators she comes in contact with, the coaches that she plays for, and me as her parent, to teach her how she can be better at whatever it is she is trying.  I am not saying that you need to "beat' down" a child and ruin their self esteem, but it is important to present improvements on how they can be better.  For me, I think that society has become so washed down with positive parenting that we have lost the ability to truly parent our children and teach them how to be better.  A child has nothing to work towards if they are already perfect!

I think we need to go back to a time when children understood that they had things to work on.  A time when coaches could coach a kid and not be scared of the parents reaction.  A time when a dance teacher could point out a flaw and the child and parent respect that correction.  A time when teachers could call your child a "social butterfly" in the comments on their report card and no one was brought up before the school board.  A time when our children learned from the mistakes that they made.

"Assert your right to make a few mistakes. If people can’t accept your imperfections, that’s their fault."