My obsessions

After 10 weeks of being on this weight loss journey, you would think that I would change my ways.  And no I am not talking about food or eating issues, I am talking about my obsession with the scale.  I have a serious obsession with weighing myself daily... sometimes several times a day.  

I know, I know before anyone even thinks it... This is not smart.  It is not effective.  It is not normal.  It is not good for someone who has self esteem issues.  I get it.  But I can't stop!  It is a terrible obsession and I honestly don't know what to do to stop myself from doing it.  I wake up and the first thing I want to do is weigh myself.  After weighing myself, I head to the gym to get my work out on (which by the way is another part of the obsessions).  After working out, back at home and guess what I do again... if you guessed weigh myself then you know me too well.  After weighing myself it is shower time and immediately after the shower it is time to weigh myself again.  Geeze, just typing this I realize that I have a serious problem.  But generally after those weigh ins I stop for the day (although I have been known to weigh myself in the middle of the day).  And to make the problem worse, if the scale doesn't show numbers like I think that it should, it fuels my obsession even more until finally I am happy with one of the many numbers that I see.

So there I did the 1st step in any recovery program... I admitted that I have a problem.  But now I don't know what to do about it.  People have said just stop.  That is so much easier than done.  The scale is still in the bathroom and it is calling my name.  Even "hiding" the scale won't stop the behavior because I will play hide and seek until I find it.  So what's a girl to do?!?  

Well now onto the second obsession in my life... working out.  This couch potato for the last 39 years has found that working out is awesome.  I love heading to the gym, working my butt off (literally), sweating like there is no tomorrow and watching those calories burn off.  Even getting up at 5:09am every day during the week (at least on the weekends I get to sleep in a bit longer before heading to the gym) can't deter me from heading there.  I absolutely LOVE the gym.  I think more so than loving the gym, is me loving the calories that are being burned off.  And this week in particular, I love the gym because although the numbers on the scale didn't show any great returns... I only lost 1lb this week... I went shopping for a pair of jeans on Saturday and they were 2 sizes smaller than jeans I wore in November.  Now that's results!  And it is those results that feed into my obsessions.  

So I know that I need help, especially for the scale obsession.  I know that being this way with the scale is not healthy for me, especially the mental aspect of it all.  Maybe if I can just scale back (no pun intended) on the scale and possibly do it every other day.  I think though that is wishful thinking.  It is hard... it is draining... and it often deflates what little bit of self esteem that I am building up. 

So that's my story.  I have a problem and it is call the scale.  Do I feel better that I discussed it... maybe.  I just wished that I could get this obsession under control.