I began my own personal journey on November 13, 2011. My goal at the time was to lose 110lbs. I know that I have stated this before, but sometimes I need to be reminded of where I started and where I am headed.
On New Year's Eve 2011, my family and I went to lunch, a movie and shopping. We have always spent New Year's Eve in this fashion since the girls are younger and neither David and I are into the partying scene. While out shopping we went into American Eagle because my oldest wanted to look at hoodies. I personally have never shopped in this store because they do not carry plus sized clothing and this has been my "size" for as long as I can remember. I decided to walk around and look at everything while Mak shopped for herself. I found a pair of furry boots (like Uggs but a fraction of the cost) and thought that they would keep the toes warm on those snowy days (yes that meant not wearing flip flops). I have worn the boots several times and am glad that I moved away from flip flops year round.
I walked to the back of the store, where all of the clearance items are housed. I figured that I may be able to find something for the girls with everything that was on sale. I came across a winter white pea coat. I knew that my kids would never wear anything like that, but it is an absolutely beautiful coat and I couldn't take my eyes off of it. I looked through the sizes and the biggest size that they had was an X-large. I attempted to try it on and found out very quickly that it was entirely too small. It was squeezing my upper arms, and wouldn't go all the way up around my upper arms, it was pulling very tight around my back, so much that I didn't want to move for fear that I would tear it. And finally, I couldn't button it. Up until that moment, I had actually started to feel good about myself and the progress that I was making in my weight loss journey. That Little White Pea Coat killed my self esteem.
My very supportive hubby and daughters all saw me looking (and attempting to try on) the little white jacket. My oldest daughter walked over to me and told me that I should get it if it was something that I wanted. Her logic was that I will "fit into it someday". My hubby told me that he was certain that I would fit into, if not this winter than definitely next winter and for that reason alone, I should get the jacket that I love. I hesitate quite a bit because honestly I could not imagine that I would actually lose the weight that I needed to in order for it to fit. I didn't believe in myself. I didn't trust myself to take off the pounds necessary to wear the little white coat. But with all of my family believing in me, I caved to the family pressure and I bought the little white jacket... but in the back of my mind I kept thinking "what in the world are you doing".
5 days ago I went into the coat closet to hang up one of the girls winter coats. And there it was... staring at me... calling me... that little white jacket. I hesitated at touching it and instead opted to stare at it, as if it was going to talk to me. Realizing that I needed to see what progress I have made in my journey towards wearing that little white jacket, I pulled it out of the closet and put it on. I prepared myself for defeat, disappointment and sadness. However, when I put on that little white jacket, I was not sad, I was not disappointed and I was not defeated. The little white jacket went on and didn't feel like it was going to rip across my back. It went up over my upper arms without any problems. And the best thing of all... I was able to button it up and there were no gaps and no pulling! This was a winning moment for me and one that will stay with me for a while.
I am so glad that I gave that little white coat a chance. I am glad that I listened to my family about purchasing it. I am glad that I have worked hard to reach the point that I can wear that little white coat and feel good about it!
:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
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