Curve balls in every direction

Being and overweight woman (and this isn't a generalization about all overweight woman but just an observation about me), I am in the habit of eating my troubles and stresses away.  Have a bad day at work... nothing a few brownies or a gigantic ice cream sundae can't fix.  Having some difficulty with a teenager who is pushing every one of your buttons and then some... certainly a big bag of salty potato chips and a 2 liter of regular soda can't fix.  Did you just get some bad news and you aren't sure what it will mean for you... oh the perfect compliment to this is a big juicy cheeseburger large value meal.  


So as life has thrown curve balls my way I have learned over my lifetime that food was the comfort to run too.  This comfort has caused me to be in the situation that I am currently (that and just plan overeating).  It is definitely hard to change a behavior that has been ingrained in your head for 30+ years.  A behavior that has always "made you feel better".  A behavior that "takes away the pain".  


In the past 2 weeks I have had many curve balls thrown my way.  First it was hearing news at work that wasn't very appeasing to me and went completely against what I was told about 1 month ago.  Then it was the untimely death of my husband's younger cousin who lives 400 miles away from us.  There was the surgery of a dear elderly family member.  My daughter telling us that she needs x, y and z for volleyball and then in the same breathe telling us that she needs $139 for her class field trip.  Stress, these past 2 weeks, has been my middle name.  


This time however, I did not turn to food.  I turned instead to exercise.  The first bout came with the work stress.  After leaving work I called my husband in tears on the phone.  I was angry and i needed to vent.  By the time I got home from work, I was not only angry, but I was starving.  I cooked dinner and eat the portion that I would have eaten if I wasn't in the foul mood I was in.  I then asked my 13 year old if she wanted to go to the gym and, with her by my side, off we went.  1 hour and 45 minutes later we returned home and I felt WONDERFUL!  It was amazing to not stuff my face but instead work off the frustrations that I had.  It was great to burn off over 850 calories.  It was great to feel good after taking out my frustrations instead of feeling guilty that I had just eaten a large combo meal.  


The next few stressors allowed me to have the same reaction and thus confirm that I could eliminate the comfort foods and instead find a new way to deal with life's stresses.  I worked out and felt better.  Even while in Michigan for the family member's funeral, I took to the hotels fitness center and workout the stresses of being there.  Honestly... I don't miss the food.  I don't miss the guilt.  I don't miss watching the scale increase after a night of binge eating.  


I a certain that there will come a time in my weight loss journey that will cause me to binge eat due to stress.  I am not perfect and know that thinking any other way would be foolish.  As I am 9 weeks into this journey, what I do know is that I have found other ways to manage the stress.  Other avenues to vent my frustration.  The things that I learn are important to allow me, and others, life long success.  


Thank you again to everyone that has shown their support to my journey.  The outpouring of support for me through all of this has been amazing.  I am truly blessed to know so many wonderful people who genuinely care about my success.  Thank you does not quite express my feelings for each of you.  

Holidays and outcomes...

Well I haven't written in a little over a week and it isn't because of failure.  It is because the Thanksgiving holiday was upon us and that time is more about family and spending quality time together.  For my family, it meant traveling from Pennsylvania to Michigan to spend time with loved ones we don't see often enough.  It was great to not be in front of the computer every day... and even better not thinking at all about work, school and the diet!  

Yes I said not thinking about the diet.  I intended on tracking what I was eating, taking daily walks with my oldest daughter and not giving into the holiday temptations (pumpkin pie, chocolate pie, stuffing and loads of mashed potatoes).  What I intended and what actually occurred, well let's just say they didn't necessarily meet in the middle!  The first thing that I failed at was tracking the food that I ate.  We left Wednesday evening and that was the last time I entered anything into my Lose It! app.  Now I don't want you to think that I was shrugging off my responsibility to my diet... it's just that I thought that I could do this eating thing without tracking for a few days.  Besides that, I wasn't the one cooking so I didn't know how many calories the food would be!  I know mashed potatoes are just mashed potatoes, but I needed to know butter amounts, what type of milk used, etc. in order to correctly calculate out the calories.  And trust me, I wasn't asking all those questions while a family member was cooking dinner and playing hostess to close to 30 people.  So I winged it... ate what I thought would be smaller portions; ate those things that I thought would be less in calories; and I didn't go back for seconds, instead I was happy with what I ate the first go round.  

So my second fail was believing that I would actually exercise while I was in Michigan.  I told my oldest daughter that I wanted to walk at least 2 days of the 4 that we were there.  Ummmm... yeah that didn't materialize.  I did have feelings of guilt because all it would have taken was a 2 mile walk to achieve the feeling that I was going for.  But honestly, I kept thinking that the reason why we were in Michigan was for family.  I know a 2 mile walk wouldn't have been hours upon hours away from them, but it was still time away from them that I didn't want to give up.  We don't see these family members daily or even monthly, so our time with them is precious.  Not giving up time with them meant that I had to be OK with not exercising.  Definitely something that I could live with!

The third fail for me was the holiday temptations.  I LOVE PUMPKIN PIE!  I LOVE STUFFING!  I LOVE CHOCOLATE PIE!  And then to top it off, there was cheesecake!  Oh My Goodness... all the temptations and I didn't want to give in to eating them and I didn't want to give in to not eating them.  So I compromised.  I had a small serving of stuffing and skipped the bigger portion of mashed potatoes that I would have loved to have had.  I did eat a dessert, but skipped the pumpkin pie.  Instead I opted for a fruit based pie and only ate a small slice.  Now we had another family dinner on Saturday and again the temptations of pie were there, and I had a little slice of the chocolate pie and a sliver of cheesecake (trust me before I would have eaten 2 large pieces of each and probably went back for seconds).  It felt good to eat those things.  I think if I would have skipped them on Thanksgiving, it would have made it worse at the family dinner on Saturday.  Yes I ate pie and I am proud of it!

So how did i fail... I gained 1 pound for the week.  Yes it is a gain, and yes that is not the objective.  But I think of it as a win and not a fail.  You see, people gain on average of 5 pounds over the Thanksgiving holiday.  Also, I know that in the past that I have stuffed myself to the point of being sick just because things "tasted good".  I never felt stuffed and never felt that I deprived myself.  I felt satisfies with how things went and what I ate.  Yes I gained a pound... but that's a win for me and at this point in the game, I will take it!  

Oh by the way... I do feel a little bit more prepared for the Christmas holiday.  Hoping for another win for me then :)