The Little White Jacket

I began my own personal journey on November 13, 2011.  My goal at the time was to lose 110lbs.  I know that I have stated this before, but sometimes I need to be reminded of where I started and where I am headed.  


On New Year's Eve 2011, my family and I went to lunch, a movie and shopping.  We have always spent New Year's Eve in this fashion since the girls are younger and neither David and I are into the partying scene.  While out shopping we went into American Eagle because my oldest wanted to look at hoodies.  I personally have never shopped in this store because they do not carry plus sized clothing and this has been my "size" for as long as I can remember.  I decided to walk around and look at everything while Mak shopped for herself.  I found a pair of furry boots (like Uggs but a fraction of the cost) and thought that they would keep the toes warm on those snowy days (yes that meant not wearing flip flops).  I have worn the boots several times and am glad that I moved away from flip flops year round.


I walked to the back of the store, where all of the clearance items are housed.  I figured that I may be able to find something for the girls with everything that was on sale.  I came across a winter white pea coat.  I knew that my kids would never wear anything like that, but it is an absolutely beautiful coat and I couldn't take my eyes off of it.  I looked through the sizes and the biggest size that they had was an X-large.  I attempted to try it on and found out very quickly that it was entirely too small.  It was squeezing my upper arms, and wouldn't go all the way up around my upper arms, it was pulling very tight around my back, so much that I didn't want to move for fear that I would tear it.  And finally, I couldn't button it.  Up until that moment, I had actually started to feel good about myself and the progress that I was making in my weight loss journey.  That Little White Pea Coat killed my self esteem.  


My very supportive hubby and daughters all saw me looking (and attempting to try on) the little white jacket.  My oldest daughter walked over to me and told me that I should get it if it was something that I wanted.  Her logic was that I will "fit into it someday".  My hubby told me that he was certain that I would fit into, if not this winter than definitely next winter and for that reason alone, I should get the jacket that I love.  I hesitate quite a bit because honestly I could not imagine that I would actually lose the weight that I needed to in order for it to fit.  I didn't believe in myself.  I didn't trust myself to take off the pounds necessary to wear the little white coat.  But with all of my family believing in me, I caved to the family pressure and I bought the little white jacket... but in the back of my mind I kept thinking "what in the world are you doing".


5 days ago I went into the coat closet to hang up one of the girls winter coats.  And there it was... staring at me... calling me... that little white jacket.  I hesitated at touching it and instead opted to stare at it, as if it was going to talk to me.  Realizing that I needed to see what progress I have made in my journey towards wearing that little white jacket, I pulled it out of the closet and put it on.  I prepared myself for defeat, disappointment and sadness.  However, when I put on that little white jacket, I was not sad, I was not disappointed and I was not defeated.  The little white jacket went on and didn't feel like it was going to rip across my back.  It went up over my upper arms without any problems.  And the best thing of all... I was able to button it up and there were no gaps and no pulling!  This was a winning moment for me and one that will stay with me for a while.  


I am so glad that I gave that little white coat a chance.  I am glad that I listened to my family about purchasing it.  I am glad that I have worked hard to reach the point that I can wear that little white coat and feel good about it!  

Is running for me?

I started my journey on November 13, 2011.  When I began this journey I focused on nutrition only.  I did very little (almost none) exercise.  My thinking was that I needed to put all of my energy into learning how to feed my body right before I began to work out.  On January 2, 2012 I joined the local YMCA, as I had given myself time to learn about the nutritional aspect and now it was time to shift gears to exercise.  In my initial plan, I wanted to work out about 3-4 days a week.  

It is now February 21, 2012 and I have been at this work out "stuff" for a little over 7 weeks.  In that time I have challenged myself on the elliptical machine, treadmill, stair master, bike and even some weighs.  Each time I tried a new machine I wouldn't allow myself to fail.  I persisted until I reached a level and goal that i set for myself.  First it was little goals, like completing 30 minutes on the elliptical on resistance 8 or 15 minutes on the stair master on resistance 10.  Each time I pushed myself, I found that I could achieve the goals set forth!  Additionally, I have moved into working out 7 days a week.  I honestly feel horrible if I even think about missing a day at the gym.  

So now... the newest challenge for me, after watching 2 of my fellow gym rats, is to run.  As a "morbidly obese" female, I honestly don't think that I can actually run.  Heart rate, lung capacity and my joints and muscles not being used all concerned me with my current weight.  Yes, I know that I have lost some weight (almost 37 pounds to be exact), but I am still very much overweight.  But I am all about a challenge when it comes to the gym and it didn't help that someone told me that running will help "melt away the pounds".

So last week i decided to try my hand at running.  I downloaded a Couch to 5K (C25K) app (because that's they way I do everything).  The app is to prepare you for a 5K in 8 weeks.  You work on running 3 days a week for the 8 week time period and at the end of it, you are suppose to be able to run a 5K.  In the first week you walk briskly for 5 minutes, then rotate between 60 seconds of running and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.  Then you end with a cool down for 5 minutes.  Now it doesn't sound like much, but for someone who doesn't run at all, this made me sweat like you wouldn't believe and certainly got my heart racing!  Additionally, I decided that I needed to add some additional running into my routine and kicked it up a notch.  I ran 1 day in 3 different increments (2 minutes, 3 minutes and then 4 minutes).  Another day I challenged myself even more and did 3 different increments (6 minutes, 5 minutes and 5 minutes).  Throughout the week I noticed that I can push myself and I can run!  I may not be the fastest or able to complete many, many miles, but I can run... at my pace.

This week is Week 2 of my C25K.  I do a 5 minute warm up walk, rotation of 90 seconds jogging and 2 minutes briskly walking and end with a 5 minute cool down.  I completed day 1 and it kicked my butt.  Tomorrow is day 2 and I am excited to challenge myself again to complete day 2 and move onto day 3.  I am hoping that Week 3 won't kill me... but only time will tell.  

I am hoping that I can complete a 5K sometime in the future.  This C25K will take me to the middle of April to complete and that's just in time for 5K season.  I am not sure when I will run one, but I am determined to complete a while 5K and not just walking one.  

Challenge yourself.  Raise yourself and your workout to new highs.  If you don't try new things, you will never know what you are able to accomplish in life :)

Goal setting and earning those rewards

I have always been a person that sets goals (big and small) and then work my butt off to achieve those goals. Completing my Bachelors degree, moving onto a Masters degree are a great example of my goal setting and achievement.  This weight loss journey has been no exception to my goal setting.  


When I first started this journey 3 months ago today, I set a large goal of 110lbs of weight loss.  However, in order to make this HUGE goal manageable, I decided that it was very important to work towards smaller goals.  My first smaller goal was to lose 25lbs.  Now I hit this goal a few weeks ago, but this weekend I finally was able to get my reward.  On Saturday, a friend (who is also on her own journey and kicking butt while doing it) and I went to the mall.  What I purchased as my reward was something that truly depicts the journey that I am on.  I bought myself the Journey bead from Pandora.  For those of you not familiar with this bead, it has peaks and valleys, just like my journey.  Not all weeks will be successful in losing weight while I am on this journey.  There will be times when I am in a low, a valley, and there will be times when I am at a high, or a peak.  This bead truly does represent what I am doing in life and how difficult this journey is.  I would like to thank another friend for schooling me in this bead.  Carrie... I am so glad that I took the time to talk to you about the different Pandora beads!


Now don't think that this 25lbs mark would be my only goal.  I actually have achieved a variety of other little goals that I have set... specifically in the gym.  I set a goal of burning 1000 calories in 1 gym outing, and boy did achieving that goal feel so freaking good.  I set a goal of completing 5 miles on the elliptical in 65 minutes, and I was able to achieve that one (it happened to be the same day as the 1000 calories burned).  I wanted to achieve under a 15 minute mile on the treadmill and was able to complete this one today... knocking out a 14:10 minute mile.  A small goal but meaningful goal was for me to do at least 25 crunches on the Ab Solo machine.  Well I shattered that one and am now up to 50 crunches a day!  None gym related goals were to eliminate diet soda from my daily life, and I have been able to achieve that one.  I only enjoy a diet soda on truly special and meaningful days.  It is something that I find I don't need in my daily life.  And it doesn't stop there.  I have many, many, many more goals ahead of me. I will just keep striving to accomplish each and every one of them :)  


So today, I am now sitting 16.8lbs away from my next weight related goal.  I would love to be able to have a few BIG weeks of losses to get to that goal faster, but realistically I know that is not healthy and not food for keeping it off.  I have set the goal that I would like to reach this mark in 7 weeks.  If I hit it earlier than that point, its a bonus.  But I don't want to set myself up for failure as setting unrealistic goals will only provide you failure and I am not about that!


Below is a picture of my Journey Pandora bead.  This symbol means a great deal to me and just looking at it provides a smile.  Oh... my next 25lb goal reward will be another Pandora bead.  It is called the Inner Strength bead and is another one that truly represents this journey that I am on.  

Making the hard choices

Life is full of choices... some are easy and some are difficult.  Some choices are life changers.  Some choices you enjoy making and others are one's you wish someone else would make for you.  Some choices you make aren't what you want to do, but what you have to do.  


This weight loss journey has really shown me that I have made some wrong choices along the way.  I also learned that the choices that I have made in the past do not define who I am today.  I am making changes every day to change the long term affects of the choices that I have made. Those negative choices have included not working out, eating what I want and when I want it, eating fatty and fried foods a lot, and eating out unhealthy choices more than eating at home.  It is tough to know that I have created a situation for myself based solely on my own choices.  


This past Friday evening I attended the birthday party of a close friend's son.  It was a typical kids party, with pizza, soda and birthday cake.  It was from 9:30pm-midnight.  I had to make a hard choice about the food choices that I made at that party.  I knew that sweets are my downfall... as I love birthday cake and the super sweet icing that is on it.  I knew before ever stepping for into the bowling alley for that party that I COULD NOT allow myself even a sliver of that cake.  This choice wasn't because I am on a diet and I know that birthday cake is far too many calories (of which I had exercised enough on Friday to allow me to eat cake and not be over my calorie amount for the day) but because of my wanting to be stronger than a piece of cake.  I know that sounds silly, but I needed to exert my willpower over that piece of birthday cake.  I personally needed to know that I could stand and look at that cake and not want a single piece of it.  And you know what... I did.  I beat the birthday cake, I beat the pizza and I beat the soda.  This choice my friends, was the right choice.


In 2 days we will be celebrating my oldest daughter's 13th birthday.  There will be birthday cake.  And I will eat a piece.  This is a choice of importance, and celebrating my daughter entering into her teenage years is very important to me.  I now know that I am able to say "no" when necessary and not feel bad about it or think that I may die because I didn't indulge.  The day of her birthday, I will just spend a little bit more time working out so that I don't feel bad about the calories that I am eating.


Remember... the choices you make today will impact you for life.  Make your choices wisely.