Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Holidays and outcomes...

Well I haven't written in a little over a week and it isn't because of failure.  It is because the Thanksgiving holiday was upon us and that time is more about family and spending quality time together.  For my family, it meant traveling from Pennsylvania to Michigan to spend time with loved ones we don't see often enough.  It was great to not be in front of the computer every day... and even better not thinking at all about work, school and the diet!  

Yes I said not thinking about the diet.  I intended on tracking what I was eating, taking daily walks with my oldest daughter and not giving into the holiday temptations (pumpkin pie, chocolate pie, stuffing and loads of mashed potatoes).  What I intended and what actually occurred, well let's just say they didn't necessarily meet in the middle!  The first thing that I failed at was tracking the food that I ate.  We left Wednesday evening and that was the last time I entered anything into my Lose It! app.  Now I don't want you to think that I was shrugging off my responsibility to my diet... it's just that I thought that I could do this eating thing without tracking for a few days.  Besides that, I wasn't the one cooking so I didn't know how many calories the food would be!  I know mashed potatoes are just mashed potatoes, but I needed to know butter amounts, what type of milk used, etc. in order to correctly calculate out the calories.  And trust me, I wasn't asking all those questions while a family member was cooking dinner and playing hostess to close to 30 people.  So I winged it... ate what I thought would be smaller portions; ate those things that I thought would be less in calories; and I didn't go back for seconds, instead I was happy with what I ate the first go round.  

So my second fail was believing that I would actually exercise while I was in Michigan.  I told my oldest daughter that I wanted to walk at least 2 days of the 4 that we were there.  Ummmm... yeah that didn't materialize.  I did have feelings of guilt because all it would have taken was a 2 mile walk to achieve the feeling that I was going for.  But honestly, I kept thinking that the reason why we were in Michigan was for family.  I know a 2 mile walk wouldn't have been hours upon hours away from them, but it was still time away from them that I didn't want to give up.  We don't see these family members daily or even monthly, so our time with them is precious.  Not giving up time with them meant that I had to be OK with not exercising.  Definitely something that I could live with!

The third fail for me was the holiday temptations.  I LOVE PUMPKIN PIE!  I LOVE STUFFING!  I LOVE CHOCOLATE PIE!  And then to top it off, there was cheesecake!  Oh My Goodness... all the temptations and I didn't want to give in to eating them and I didn't want to give in to not eating them.  So I compromised.  I had a small serving of stuffing and skipped the bigger portion of mashed potatoes that I would have loved to have had.  I did eat a dessert, but skipped the pumpkin pie.  Instead I opted for a fruit based pie and only ate a small slice.  Now we had another family dinner on Saturday and again the temptations of pie were there, and I had a little slice of the chocolate pie and a sliver of cheesecake (trust me before I would have eaten 2 large pieces of each and probably went back for seconds).  It felt good to eat those things.  I think if I would have skipped them on Thanksgiving, it would have made it worse at the family dinner on Saturday.  Yes I ate pie and I am proud of it!

So how did i fail... I gained 1 pound for the week.  Yes it is a gain, and yes that is not the objective.  But I think of it as a win and not a fail.  You see, people gain on average of 5 pounds over the Thanksgiving holiday.  Also, I know that in the past that I have stuffed myself to the point of being sick just because things "tasted good".  I never felt stuffed and never felt that I deprived myself.  I felt satisfies with how things went and what I ate.  Yes I gained a pound... but that's a win for me and at this point in the game, I will take it!  

Oh by the way... I do feel a little bit more prepared for the Christmas holiday.  Hoping for another win for me then :)

Monday, November 21, 2011

And the first week is history...

Well I did it... 1 full week of this "diet" journey is complete.  What do I have to show for my hard work and determination this week?  Well if you guessed less weight you would be right!  I lost 3.8 pounds in my first week. Not a bad showing for my first week.  Now I would be lying if I didn't say that I would have liked a bigger number, but then I realize 2 things.  One, the weight didn't all appear on my one magical day and therefore it isn't going to leave me overnight.  And two, if I do this the right way (slow and steady weight loss) it is more likely that I will learn the correct habits (eating and exercise) that I need to know in order to be able to sustain the weight loss permanently.  


So let me review my week... not just for your reading purposes, but also for my ability to remind myself of the important lessons along the way.  I learned that I can get my butt out of bed and workout each morning, even if that workout is only 30 minutes of cardio.  This 30 (or more) minutes that I give to myself each day is so rewarding to my body and also provides me with a great deal of energy throughout the day (who would have thought that!).  Working out isn't something that I have to do, it is really something that I need to do, both for myself and the long term health of my body.  


I learned that in the world of dieting, giving something up doesn't mean that you can't have what it is you truly want.  You see, when I have dieted in the past, it has been in my mind that I can't have somethings that I love to eat.  This week, I was able to still have a burger, even if it was only a Junior Cheeseburger from Wendy's.  The point is, I was still able to eat it and be happy about the choice that I made.  


I learned that I can in fact eat a banana without peanut butter (thanks Elvis!).  I have always loved peanut butter and banana together and was skeptical that I would want to eat one without the other.  Peanut butter is something that definitely doesn't currently fit into my nutritional scheme of things, so I know that I needed to give it up completely (or at least for now).  But no peanut butter meant no bananas for me (and they are a fantastic source of potassium).  I ventured out to see if I could eat one without the other and who knew... I COULD!  I am now a one a day banana day and very happy that I took the risk that I did.


I learned that my hubby and I can still have our date night out together and enjoy myself.  We went out to dinner and a movie and I at not time thought that I was losing out on something... no wait, I take that back, I would have loved to have had dessert at PF Chang's but I recognize that it wasn't an option this time.  It is great that I can still enjoy our date night together and not be self conscious about the food that I am eating.  


I learned that children's birthday parties aren't always a bad thing.  Yesterday my family enjoyed a birthday party for 2 of our close friends kids.  There was lots of food (fried chicken, rigatoni, broccoli salad, cheesy potatoes, macaroni salad and plenty of chips) and many of the options were not  healthy choices that I would have picked if given the opportunity.  However, I wasn't able to pick and therefore I had to make the best of the situation.  Broccoli salad is yummy and broccoli is great for me.  That was what I focused my dinner around.  I had a small piece of fried chicken and a small scoop of rigatoni.  That's it!  Also, the birthday cake and ice cream were not an option, but it didn't bother me.  I kept drinking my water and having a great time without overeating or gorging on things that I know aren't good for me. It was a great lesson to learn, considering that I started a diet 1 week before a major holiday!  


Another lesson for the week was that of encouragement and support.  It was great to have so many friends and family continually encourage and support me through this journey.  The kinds works, the telling me of a song that was a big up lifter for me, and the many messages that I have received are wonderful.  It is great to know that I have surrounded myself with excellent people who understand that I can't do this by myself.


Finally, I have learned this week that this journey is not just about me.  This journey, and this blog, are about everyone that understands the pain that I experience daily with being overweight... and it isn't just a physical pain.  The emotional toll that this takes on a person is something that I never want to endure again.  People have reached out to me to tell me that this blog touched them, that the blog was about their own personal struggles.  I guess I never thought that this would reach people that way... just thought that this was something that I understood and felt.  


I am grateful for the lessons that I have learned this week.  I am grateful for another week of losing those pounds that I keep me from looking in the mirror.  I am grateful that I have been able to touch people's lives.  I am grateful that I have a loving and supportive family.  I am grateful that each day I learn something new about this journey and that I have the opportunity to share.  

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Celebrating the little things

So today I accomplished something little, but huge in my eyes.  Today, after completing my 36 minutes on the elliptical, I have successfully worked out on the elliptical 5 days straight for 30+ minutes each time.  I know this isn't a marathon or even a half marathon, but it is a little accomplishment that I celebrate.  Going from never working out to 5 straight days is definitely something for me to cheer about!  


So this brings to mind that I have a VERY BIG GOAL... to lose 100 pounds.  To think of 100 pounds is definitely overwhelming and could cause someone to lose hope in achieving that goal (been there, done that).  It seems even more overwhelming to me when I think that my weekly goal is losing 2 pounds.  Seriously folks that's forever to get to the 100 pound mark.  I see why people who are trying to lose weight lose all hope of accomplishing what they set out to achieve.  When you look at the big picture, it is discouraging.  


So to be successful you have to look at the small accomplishments or as I like to think... Celebrate the little things.  Today was a celebration for me.  Meeting my initial goal of working out 4-5 days a week was huge in my world.  I know it's only week 1, but this sets the stage for future weeks. Had I given into the idea of nestling under the covers instead of getting my butt out of bed, I would have never achieved this little accomplishment.  I will celebrate on Sunday when I do the official weigh in - and yes I will celebrate even if I only lose 1 pound... why, because that's a pound that I no longer have to lose!  


I guess it is important for me to set bigger smaller goals, such as losing 25 pounds and rewarding myself.  This again breaks the big goal into something manageable.  And for a reward, it needs to be anything but FOOD!!!  I have given thought to a mani and pedi, possibly a pair of earrings or a bracelet, it could even be a new purse (well not new for me because I rarely ever buy a "new" purse).  I am taking suggestions for ways to reward myself for the 25 pounds... so share your suggestions.  I am open to just about anything and I need several of the 25 pound rewards, so the more suggestions I have the better off I will be.


So to wrap this all up... be loud and proud about the small accomplishments.  Be excited when you do something as simple as meeting your workout goal for a week or losing 1 pound.  Celebrate the small stuff because in the end, it's the small stuff that adds up to create the big picture (just like a puzzle).  

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Eating fast food doesn't have to be bad.

So yesterday I left work and sat in traffic (Thanks Pittsburgh Penguins).  I sat, and sat, and sat.  I really hate traffic too, so to sit in traffic due to a Penguins game just sets me off even more.  As I sat waiting, my thoughts turned to dinner and what we would be eating.  I started to stress because I know that this traffic is going to delay me even longer from getting home, and thus delay dinner preparation and eating even more as well.  I am trying to complete my daily eating by 6:30 (7:00 at the latest) because I know it is not healthy to go to bed after just eating a big meal (digestion stinks and all that food just laying in your stomach - YUCK).  As I sat, I pondered that I could just eat a salad but that wasn't quite feasible because I had over 1400 calories left to eat for the day.  There is no amount of cheese or salad dressing that could take care of those calories.  I thought about eating veggies and possibly some fruit (quick and easy) but again, there are only so many calories to be had from eating fruits and veggies and not gagging yourself in the meantime.  So there I am pondering what in the heck I will do...


In my world, fast food was definitely out.  All the grease and unnecessary calories were just a waste.  But there wasn't much time for dinner planning and prep so I knew fast food was the only option.  The one nice feature of the app that I am using (Lose It - and no I am not making any money off of mentioning them in my blog.  I just want people to know what I am using and how it is helping me) is that it has a variety of restaurants listed and the calorie count of the food they serve.  So while sitting in traffic I started to flip through the list of available options (I know, I know... I shouldn't have been using my phone while driving).  I searched through many options but settled on Wendy's as tonight's choice.  Using my app, I found that I could have a Jr. Cheeseburger (290 calories) and an Apple, Pecan Chicken Salad with Pomegranate dressing (full sized - 510 calories in total with dressing).  In total, I ate 800 calories and was very satisfied (otherwise known as full).  I also was able to enjoy a "greasy" hamburger.  


Now I know that people are thinking "is that really what you wanted to eat"?  The answer is NO, but there are sacrifices to be made, and the french fries and bigger burger that I would normally eat needed to go... and not into my thighs and butt!  Would I rather of had a #1 with everything and a medium fry... Damn straight I would have.  But those decisions have lead me to where I am now and it's certainly not where I want to be.  Also, eating all of those empty calories would have left me hungry later on in the evening and also without much nutritional value.  Difficult choices, but I have to do it.  


So I have learned in my short little time on this journey that eating out isn't always bad.  Yes I am sure there will be times when I go out to eat and the choices that I make aren't the best (potentially date night with my hubby) but for now I recognize that I can make good (and healthy) choices without sacrificing my entire diet. Just remember that the difficult choices that I make today, lead me in the right direction towards my future.  

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Planning is the key

The one thing that I am learning quickly is that it takes a good amount of planning and preparation to be successful at this dieting gig.  Now I am not being crabby about this fact, just more making a statement.  I guess I didn't realize that it would take more time for me to pack a lunch or make dinner happen.  Take for example my lunch today... A salad, plenty of fruit (banana, apple and grapes), yogurt, sugar free pudding cup, cheese stick, 2oz of chicken for my salad, and a snack for in the afternoon.  Now most of that is prepacked and easy to throw together, but the time consuming part came in the preparation of the salad (although not horrible, still time consuming) and the balancing of my daily calorie intake.  For me, the calorie intake is the most time consuming and difficult to do.  

For the plan that I am on through Lose It, I attempting to lose 2 pounds a week and would need to intake 1822 calories a day.  At first I thought that amount of calories wasn't much, but I couldn't be more wrong.  With the healthier choices I am making, it is very difficult to reach that amount of calories.  I guess with more time and practice that I will get better at it.  Oh and I forgot to mention that each day I exercise I have to eat more calories... so for today I burned up 530 calories from my elliptical workout, so tack on another 530 calories that I need to eat.  Yesterday I was almost 1200 calories shy for the day and I wasn't hungry at all!  I guess I just don't want to make an early bad choice and therefore screw up my whole day.  Again, this is the planning and preparation aspect of everything... and it will come with time.  

Oh and just so no one thinks that magically less calories equals more weight loss, that couldn't be further from the truth.  At some point (and I am not a medical doctor so I don't know exactly when it occurs), your body thinks that it is starving and will do whatever it can to prevent that from occurring.  So just because I was 1200 calories short yesterday, I didn't lose an ounce!  (and yes, insane me is still weighing myself every day - but that's a whole other blog entry).  So I guess my point here is that I need to be a better planner, or maybe not be so strict with my calories.  I guess I also have to learn that it is OK to eat the things that I may truly want at that moment and use up those calories.  These, my friends, are difficult lessons to learn from someone who is "morbidly obese" and is setting out on this weight loss journey.  Lessons that will become part of life as I struggle through this journey.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Setting myself up for failure again?

Being a woman, and this may come as a shock to everyone that truly knows me, I value what my appearance says about me.  You see I don't spend hours putting on make up and fixing my hair, nor do I spend larges amount of money on my wardrobe.  With that said, I still value the impressions that I make on people based upon my appearance. 

Yesterday I woke up and realized that, with my broken self esteem in tow, I am "morbidly obese" (I think that's what the clinical name is for my "condition").  Yes America... I am FAT.  I know that in the world of political correctness that calling someone fat isn't right, but my mother told me never to lie... and I can't lie about this one.  I am a 5'7" woman who weighs more than I care to type at this point.  Let's just say, IT'S A BIG FREAKIN' NUMBER!  I looked at a picture just to make sure that I wasn't seeing things and lets just say I wasn't imagining anything.  And just so everyone knows; 1.  Yes I do have a self esteem issue and 2. Although I have a self esteem issue, you probably would never know because I hid it well.  I have a larger than life personality and can crack jokes about myself all day.  But the truth is... it hurts.  It hurts more than I care to admit and maybe that's why I am always setting myself up for failure.  Changing me on the outside... would that change me on the inside as well?

So Sunday, November 13, 2011 is the day that I decided to change it all.  I need to get healthy for myself and for my family.  I need to lose the weight that I have packed on in the 16 years that I have been married (and 2 kids too!).  I need to pick my self esteem off the ground, dust it off, and put it in check because I am me, and I am beautiful (even though I don't feel it yet).  I downloaded an app on my iPhone (Lose It!) and it is a calorie counter.  It allows me to track absolutely everything I put into my mouth.  It even allows you to breakdown your weight loss into a manageable goal.  For me, it is 2 pounds a week and to lose the 100 pounds that I want to lose my end date is October 28, 2012 - which happens to be my 17 year wedding anniversary (what a great present to myself and family).  Additionally, I started using the elliptical machine in my basement (you know the one that was being used as a coat hanger).  My goal for using the elliptical machine is about 30-45 minutes at least 4-5 days a week.  My plan is to turn on the tunes and go to it each morning before work. 

Now I will admit that I have done this in the past and paid large sums of money to lose the weight that I wanted off.  I joined Weight Watchers several times (and had huge success once), joined the local YMCA (and never entered the building after signing up) and also have joined the Biggest Loser competitions at work.  Like I said, Weight Watchers was a success for me, but what I learned from them is to track every morsel of food that you put into your mouth and to exercise.  It's a basic equation of diet and exercise or you need to burn more than you eat.  It's simple to think of... but difficult to follow.  I chose not to do the Weight Watchers option this time and instead make me accountable to myself.  It's me, myself and I this time and it is up to me to keep me motivated (well the smaller sized pants are a good motivator as well).  I just hate seeing myself spend money doing something that I already know.  Then it came to me, I read all the time about people blogging their weight loss stories.  I already had a blog (not used very often) and the ability to blab about anything. 

So yesterday (typing today) is the start of something new.  I maybe setting myself up for failure, but we will see.  It doesn't hurt to try and in the end I may just lose a few pounds.  We will see where this leads, but honestly it has to be bigger and ummmmm... let's try this again, it has to be smaller and better things :)