What an amazing ride...

1 year equals 366 days (since it's a leap year) or 8784 hours or 527,040 minutes.  

That's what it has been... 1 year.  I began a life changing journey, one that would provide me my health and happiness back.  This life changing journey took a great deal of sacrifice  hard work, determination and frustration.  Standing on that cliff, one year ago, I could have never imagined that I would be looking back a year later and be where I am.  

November 13 2011 was the first day of my own weight loss and fitness journey.  As I have written in my blog before, that morning when I woke up was the absolute lowest point in my life.  I hated myself, I hated what I had become and hated that I allowed myself to become this way.  Seeing myself in the mirror was painful.  Going to the store to purchase clothing caused tears.  Having "skinny" friends caused horrible envy.  I saw a picture of myself on a girls weekend away and I cried... and cried hard!  

The journey started slowly, focusing on food, portion sizes and learning how I should be eating.  The Lose It! app has been the absolutely best thing for me during this year.  I have recommended this app to so many people and all of them have had success using it as well.  But learning how to eat is important.  Whether you use an app like Lose It! or do a program like Weight Watchers, really the end result is just the same, limiting your calories and retraining yourself to eat right and eat in the right amount (portion control).  I never realized just how much food I was eating when I was 274lbs, but it was a hell of a lot of food.  It was nothing for me to start my day with a full sized bagel with cream cheese or peanut butter and banana.  A mid morning snack, which was always garbage.  Onto lunch and I would eat leftovers from the night before.  And the leftovers wouldn't be just a small portion, it would be a full sized meal.  Along with pudding, yogurt, a cookie or 2 and soda.  I would then move onto a mid afternoon snack, again either being chips, a cookie or something else just loaded with calories.  Dinner was upon me and it was always something quick and not that healthy.  Often I would stop for fast food (Big Mac meal large sized) or if I cooked it could be chicken Parmesan with spaghetti (processed chicken patty - 2 of them, loaded with cheese and probably 3 servings of spaghetti).  And I still wasn't done because I would need a snack at night before bed.  So yeah... too many calories, too much garbage, and not enough of the food that fuels you.  

The biggest part of my last year has been the exercise.  After 6 weeks of focusing on food and the choices that I needed to make, I decided to incorporate exercise into my daily routine.  I knew the importance of exercise, as it strengthens the heart, burns fat, and finally, builds lean muscle that will help burn more fat.  I joined my local YMCA and promised myself that I would get to the gym 7 days a week until I was under 200lbs.  And that is exactly what I did.  I started to use the elliptical and in my mind I figured that I would do 30-45 minutes when I first started.  Laughable!  I couldn't even do 15 minutes without being completely out of breath.  But I continued on.  Continued to go every day and gradually I was able to build up to 65 minutes.  That 65 minutes would net me 800-900 calories burned.  That was a high like none other.  Knowing that I was able to take off those calories each day was fueling me to continue.  I met a new friend at the gym and she suggested running.  I laughed really hard when she suggested it, but then I figured why not give it a shot.  And I did... and I am glad that I did.  I am addicted to running and the clarity that running provides my mind.  It is amazing how great I feel after I have run 3, 4 or more miles.  Running has provided me a challenge that I didn't think existed.  5K and 10K done, and now I am moving onto a half marathon.  EXCITING!!!!!  And to think this has only allowed me to make my body healthier each time that I do it. 

1 year later, I have found happiness.  I have found who I am.  I have learned that my self worth is not the number on the scale.  I understand that my body is a gift and I have to take care of it.  As of today I am down 100.8lbs.  With only another 5-9 pounds to take off, I know that the finish line is in my grasp.  I have learned that hard work and determination can carry you a long way.  I have learned that there are people out there who will cheer you on (because they unconditionally love you) and there are those people out there that will want to pull you down even though you are doing something good.  I have learned that I can tell my story to 100 overweight people and if they aren't ready to receive the message of health that it is a wasted story.  I have learned that I can be a positive role model for my daughters and teach them the way to live so that they will not struggle like I have all of my life.  I ave learned that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be.  I have learned that there are people who you don't know that hear your story and find it in themselves to take their own lives back.  I have learned that even though you do something for yourself, and never intend for that to change, that you can inspire others.  I understand that even if I have a bad day, or week, that life will go on and that it is my responsibility to pick myself up again and get on track.  I have learned that people come and people go and only those that stood by you in your darkest hour are those that truly have your back.  And finally... I have learned that I am a blessed individual who has a lot to be thankful for regarding the last year.  

Yes, 1 year.  That makes me a toddler in the world of weight loss.  I don't claim to know all the answers or understand everything there is to know about health and nutrition. What I do know is that I have personally come a long way and that this journey will never be over.  It is important for me to remember that even after I finally hit my goal weight that I will be forever counting calories and exercising.  The way that I approach things will change, but good nutritional habits and proper exercise are now who I am.  

Thank you everyone for your unwavering support.  I really cannot say thank you enough to so many people who have been there for me.  I always say that I am a truly blessed individual to have the support system that I have and to have my friends and family standing behind me cheering me on.  

A day unlike others...

Yesterday was a day that I will remember forever.  One that I have never experienced before.  One that demonstrated that hard work, determination and a strong will to achieve are sometimes all you need.  One that made me cry.  What was the day?  It was the Richard S. Caliguiri Great Race - 10K.  

10 months, 2 weeks and 4 days ago my journey began.  A journey that was necessary to gain my life back, gain some self esteem, and find myself healthy again.  Along this journey, I gained a friend who loves running.  She has completed, 5Ks, 10Ks and half marathons.  She's currently training to complete her first marathon the end of this month, and I couldnt be prouder to call her my friend.  She was the first person that ever mention about running to me.  In fact she said "running melts the fat right off you".  That was my hook, line and sinker into running.  Being a fat girl, all I wanted to do was burn the fat away.  I decided, and I've shared this before, that I would start a Couch to 5K (C25K) program.  I felt this was the safest and easiest way to introduce me to running.  Besides, with being 240+ pounds, I knew that this wasn't going to kill me by running a ton in the very beginning.  

In April 2012, 1 month after starting the C25K program I stumbled upon information for the Great Race - 10K. This race is held every year in the city of Pittsburgh in September.  I decided that I was going to run this race.  I signed up... not even completing the 5K... I signed up to complete a 10K on September 30, 2012.  I think I lost my mind.  

You see the reason why I chose this option, signing up for a 10K as a morbidly obese woman was that it caused me to want something.  Want something bigger than I could imagine.  It gave me something to work towards.  Signing up for the race was the motivation for me to continue to run and run hard.  

I finished the 5K training and then started on a trek to push myself and advance the number of miles that I was doing.  Throughout the summer months I pushed and pushed and pushed myself.  Running was my main exercise and I loved it.  I built myself up to doing 3 short runs (30-40 minutes) and 1 long run day each week.  The long run day was always a build upon the long run the last time (so if 4 miles long run day then the next long run day I pushed to 5 miles).  This training was hard but necessary.  The training was awesome because I felt so strong.  

So here it is, October 1, 2012.  Yes, the Great Race was yesterday.  I did it.  I ran the 10K Great Race and I can't possibly tell you the emotions that I had.  About 1 mile into the race I started to cry because it hit me and hit me hard.  1 year ago I wouldn't have been able to walk 1 mile without being out of breath, let alone running 6.2 miles.  I had taken my life back and provided myself years of health.  I had provided more quality of life with my family.  I was, by losing the weight, allowing myself to be healthy, happy and comfortable with myself. I had morphed into a new person, one that believes in herself. 

Yes I did it!  I completed the 10K in 1:04:33.  That was my best time ever and I am so excited.  So excited that while at the Great Race Expo I signed up for the 1/2 marathon on May 5, 2013.  Yes... a 1/2 marathon.  Am I crazy - yes, I think I am.  But I do this because it allows me to push myself even more.  Want more from myself and more for myself.  We will see what emotions the 1/2 marathon brings that day... if it's anything like yesterday then I better bring lots of tissues!

Morbidly Obese to 5K... 8 months, 2 weeks and 1 day

It has been a while since I have written in my blog... call it laziness.  Fortunately, this laziness isn't one that causes weight gain like a lack of physical activity laziness will do.  It just has been difficult for me to come up with topics to write about.  However this all changed for me on Saturday, July 28, 2012.  


As you have read, I began a journey to take back my life and health on November 13, 2011.  I started this journey weighing in at a lofty 274lbs.  As a 5'7" woman, this made me morbidly obese.  So what does it mean to be morbidly obese... it simply means that you have a much higher body fat percentage and that your BMI is above 40.  I qualified on both accounts.  As a morbidly obese individual, I couldn't walk up a flight of stairs in my house without being completely out of breathe.  Doing laundry in my house, a feat that requires me to go from the 2nd floor to the basement and then from the basement to the 2nd floor, was something that I dreaded, hated and caused me feelings of sadness (sadness because I could "see" what my lack of taking care of myself was doing).  


When I began my weight loss journey, I focused on my food choices for 6 weeks.  I didn't exercise at all, instead I was trying to learn how to eat and what to eat.  Learning about nutrition, portion sizes, when to eat, etc., was something that I felt was equally important to exercise and also something that I knew that I was failing at.  I thought that if I could "master" my eating first, then I could add in exercise afterwards.  After the new year, I joined a gym and began to workout every day... yes 7 days a week.  I was doing the elliptical and walking on the treadmill on opposite days.  Occasionally I would add in the stair machine but that was difficult at times (because of my size) so I focused on the other 2.  


I was introduced to a new friend at the gym by a friend that I had known quite a while.  This new friend, Amy, had lost 100lbs herself, so she understood where I was coming from and where I wanted to get too.  Amy expressed to me very early on that (and I quote), "running melts the fat away" - and I know I have written about this before.  Honestly... that's all needed to hear.  Running = fat leaving my butt, thighs, chins, belly, etc.  


I began my running quest by downloading a Couch 2 5K (C25K) app on my iPhone.  There are a lot of great C25K apps out there, just make sure it is one that provides plenty of time for you to build up to the 5K.  The app I downloaded had me going from couch potato (well more like a couch big ass Idaho baking potato) to running the length of a 5K in 7 1/2 weeks.  I have to provide a disclaimer too... I WAS NEVER A RUNNER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!  In school I would do anything to avoid running, or physical activity of any kind.  Anyway, the C25K program breaks down each week, building on the amount of time you run and shortening the amount of time you recover after each run.  I honestly thought that I would be repeating weeks as they went along, because again, I never did a physical activity like running before.  As the weeks passed, I completed each one without every repeating.  Feeling stronger, more confident and knowing that I had more endurance was awesome.  At the end of the 7 1/2 weeks, I completed the program and "ran" my first 5K... of course it was on the treadmill and not in a race!


Soon I decided that I needed to challenge myself more.  I began to work on increasing my speed and also the length that I was running.  While doing this, I signed up to run a 10K on September 30, 2012.  My husband told me that he thought it would be very important for me to "run" a 5K race before I was running the 10K.  I understood where he was coming from, and so I signed up for the Turtle Trot on July 28, 2012.  Disclaimer here... I considered that I had already "run" a 5K, in fact I was "running" a 5K several times a week.  My running schedule had me running 4-5 days a week and each one of those was me racking up 3+ miles.  But to appease my hubby, I signed up to run an official 5K.  


The day of the Turtle Trot could not have been better.  The weather was cooler, for a July morning, and the rain held off.  I had the pleasure of running this race with 2 great friends and running partners (1 of whom it was her first race too).  The horn sounded and the race began.  The course was very flat, and this is almost impossible in Western Pennsylvania, and only had 1 minor hill.  Off we went.  Stacy (my running buddy) and I set out on a rather quick pace, according to the running app that I use.  We hit the 1 mile marker and we were just over an 11 minute pace.  Continuing to run, my family appeared at the the 1.5 mile marker and this definitely fueled my run.  Seeing how happy my youngest daughter was for both Stacy and I really helped to keep me going.  We looped around and headed back int he direction that we came from.  Passing by the family once again brought a smile to my face and resolve that nothing was taking me down.  Soon we were at the 2 mile marker and down the little hill in the course.  Picking up speed, I realized that I was getting ahead of Stacy.  She encouraged me to go on... running at my own pace... and that she'd see me at the finish line.  This is exactly what I did.  Picking up speed, I hit the 3 mile mark and could see the finish line.  Talk about motivation!  I hit the finish line at 33:41 and couldn't have been more proud of myself.  Yes, I completed my first official race, but more importantly I went from morbidly obese to running 3.1 miles in front of my family and friends.  I did something that I never thought possible 8 months, 2 weeks and 1 day earlier.  


It is important to dream big because this allows you to aim high and achieve more.  I will be the first to tell you that I never dreamed of being a runner.  I couldn't ever have thought that my body would cooperate with me and allow me to do what I have done.  The next challenge is the 10K on September 30th.  I am looking forward to this race... doubling the mileage that I have already completed.  I will say that I am working hard to prepare for this next race.  I have been averaging over 6.2 miles on my long run days.  This past week my oldest daughter challenged me to run 7 miles... and I can't ever turn down a challenge.  I ran 7.22 miles in an hour and 25 minutes.  Who knows, maybe in May it will be half marathon time for me.  Dreaming big.  Believe in yourself.  Test your limits.  Challenge everything you believed about yourself.  Those are all the mottoes that I live by now.  

A much happier place...

So I was thinking about what to write for this week's blog entry and I kept coming up with nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  And unfortunately, nothing is not an option.  

So after today's weigh in, I discovered what my topic would be.  You see, I have reached a weight that I have not been in about 15 years.  That's right, this is the thinnest I have been in a VERY long time.  And not only is this the thinnest that I have been in 15 years, but this is by far the healthiest that I have been in, well... my whole life.  And that brings me to such a happy place.

For the first time in a long time, I am able to look into a mirror and not be grossed out by my appearance.  For the first time ever, I am running at least 3 days a week and for lengths that I could only imagine.  For the first time in a long time, I am able to not cave into the yummy looking cupcakes that are sitting in my kitchen.  And for the first time in my life, I am in a much happier place.  

This happy place isn't just about my appearance, it is more so about my health.  Being able to walk up a flight of stairs and not be completely out of breath.  The happy place of seeing the scale continue in a downward spiral.  My happy place of hopping on the treadmill and knocking out 4 miles running and knowing that my body is stronger than it has ever been.  The happy place of hearing "You look great".  And a happy place of knowing that I am adding years back onto my life just by taking the necessary steps to get myself healthy.  

Everyone has it in them to do what I am doing.  I don't posses some special or magical power, instead what i do posses is determination, a strong will, drive and motivation to change the destructive path that I was on.  It really isn't rocket science on how to take charge and get your happy place regarding your health back.  The equation is easy... eat less calories than you burn and exercise, exercise, exercise.  That's it.  Now how you approach this can be different from person to person.  I personally have chosen to use a calorie counting app on my phone and it has been very successful.  Again, this is all about taking back my happiness.  

So yes, I am happy.  I am getting healthy.  And I am not shy about sharing my story.  Do you have to be "skinny" to be happy... absolutely not!  Do you need to lose weight to be happy... again the answer is no.  This journey isn't for everyone and I know that.  But what I do know, is that I haven't been happier than I am today in a very long time.  And I attribute a lot of this happiness on the fact that I am getting healthier.  

Accomplishing more than ever thought...

As you know, I have been on this weight loss journey for almost 5 months.  While on this journey, I started going to the gym daily to help boost my weight loss and to make my body stronger.  When I first started working out it was mostly the elliptical machine and I could only remain on it for about 15-20 minutes.  

While at the gym, I learned that a friend of mine from a former church was also a member of the gym and in turn she introduced to to another lady.  Both of these ladies were running on the treadmill several days a week.  I was super jealous of their fitness and ability to run for so long.  Don't get me wrong, I love both of these ladies dearly, but I just was frustrated that they could do something that I couldn't.  

Almost 8 weeks ago, after the encouragement of these same fine ladies, I began training for a 5K.  I started to use a C25K (Couch to 5K) app on my phone.  Essentially this program breaks it down so that in 8 total weeks you are able to run a 5K.  I must say, I found this to be unreasonable considering when I started this program I was still well over 230lbs and not physically fit at all.  

Week by week I would do the requirements of the program.  It starts relatively simple with you jogging for 60 seconds and then walking for 90 seconds, for a total of 21 minutes.  And then you build up each week, adding additional jogging time and shortening up your walking time.  And in the end, you are jogging for the full 3.2 miles and walking 5 minutes on either side.  I honestly thought going into this training program that I would end up repeating some weeks and lengthening the total amount of weeks that it took to complete it.  Well I couldn't be more wrong!

On Sunday, April 1, 2012, one week earlier than expected, I jogged my first 5K.  I completed the 3.2 miles on the treadmill at the gym, with my daughter and her friend there to witness it.  It took me just under 43 minutes to complete the 5K and I must say that I felt wonderful during and after.  I didn't set out to complete the 3.2 miles, but once I started to run that day, I knew that there was no stopping me.  And in the end, there wasn't.  

So I have accomplished something that I couldn't possibly imagine myself doing.  Running/jogging isn't something that a person who is 274lbs thinks that they will be doing.  Even with completing a cardio workout each day at the gym, I didn't think that my body would allow for me to complete a 5K.  But I couldn't be more wrong.  I have to say that being able to achieve what I did is because I challenged myself and wouldn't allow myself to give up.  Pushing myself to the max is something that I have always done and now it translated into completing a 5K.

Well now that is done I plan on continuing to run the 5K on the treadmill and I will attempt to shave time off of the jog by gradually increasing my speed.  It will be fun to see how much time I can trim off of the bottom line of the 5K.  I have also considered beginning a C210K program now.  Holy cow... a 10K!  What in the world am I thinking?!  Well actually I am thinking that I can accomplish anything that I set my mind too!  

Time to be honest...

19 weeks ago I began a journey... a journey to make my health better, feel better about myself and be a positive role model for my daughters.  A lot has changed in the last 19 weeks, including the loss of 55lbs, my daily workout habits and making myself a priority in life.  


19 weeks ago I was scared, and more so embarrassed, to tell anyone what my weight was.  Stepping on that scale on November 13th and seeing the number that I did was an eye opener to me.  I have shared my experience while on this journey, but I have never opened up about what I weighed that day.  I will today...


274lbs is what I started my journey at.  I was morbidly obese.  I was killing myself with inactivity and unhealthy food choices.  I was killing myself with overeating and emotional eating.  I had watched myself blossom to 274lbs and never once gave it a thought.  Until November 13th.  I set a goal at that point that I wanted to lose 110lbs, allowing me to get back to 164lbs.  This is a far reaching dream, but one that I really want to work towards.  As you know, I have set smaller 25lb goals and have reached 2 of them thus far.  


Today's weigh in brought me to the halfway point of my journey.  I have lost 55lbs thus far.  That makes me a total of 219lbs.  This is the smallest I have been in far too many years to discuss.  I have 19lbs left until I get out of the 200s.  That is my goal at this point.  I would like to be down 19.2lbs by June 25, 2012... my 40th birthday.  This has always been the goal from the very beginning (being under 200lbs by my 40th birthday).  This gives me exactly 13 weeks to take off the 19.2lbs.  Breaking it down even further... 1.48lbs per week.  I know that I am close to hitting that point where my "big" losses are over, but looking at that 1.48lbs per week (and the littel over confident Sam in my head), I know that I can achieve this goal.  Hard work and determination will lead me there.


So there it is, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  I actually feel so much better telling everyone what my starting weight was.  I feel relieved to know that even though I weighed what I did, that I have taken 55lbs off thus far.  I know that there are many judgmental people in the world, trust me I have seen the looks, the sneers and the hurtful comments.  That's what prevented me from saying what I weighed in the beginning... fear of being judged further.  But I have learned over the last 19 weeks to love myself, believe in myself, push myself and most of all not care what others think of how I look.  There is more to me than appearance and if you don't take the time to know who I am and what I am about, well then, shame on you.  

Another minor milestone...

As you are all aware of, I am doing a C25K program.  Today was Week 5 Day 3 of the 8 week program.  I have survived thus far, but each run gets harder and harder.  As I expressed earlier in the week, today was a BIG day for me… a 20 minute straight jog without walking at all.

I started the morning with a 10 minute brisk walk to warm myself up.  Then I hit the start button the C25K program (no turning back).  The program had me walking an additional 5 minutes to warm up.  I figured that I would kick up the speed just a bit for these 5 minutes to really get my body all warmed up.  At the end of that 5 minutes the little prompt to me to begin jogging.  And so I did…

I decided that I would focus on the local news that I set on the TV in front of me.  That lasted all of 2 minutes and I found myself looking at the time.  18:29 left to go…

I moved my attention to the music that I was listening too.  Taylor Hicks (who is my obsession in life… yeah go ahead and laugh, I’m use to it) was the selection that was on and I focused all of my attention on him.  I kept thinking that he overcame so much the season that he won American Idol (the old jokes because of his hair color, being quirky and no one understanding his style, the must that he has a passion for, etc).  I told myself that if he could overcome those major adversities in his life to win American Idol, that I could overcome any adversities in my own life that would prevent me from jogging 20 straight minutes.  This distracted my attention for a bit… I looked at the clock and I still had 13:44 left.  Oh my goodness!

I glance at the TV again and they are talking weather.  OK great, maybe this will distract me from looking at the time.  I watch the entire forecast, finding out that the next 7 days are going to be absolutely beautiful, and then look down again at the clock… 12:33 left.

OK, so I must focus.  Focus on anything but the time.  I start looking at the calories that I am burning and I feel better.  This allows me to not think of the time that seems to be slowly ticking away.  While staring at the calories the prompt on the C25K program speaks, she says “You are half way there”.  This means I have reached the 10 minute mark!

Regroup my focus and now Fantasy by Earth, Wind and Fire is on.  Being a huge Pittsburgh Steelers fan, this song has meaning because it is one of the songs that Hines Ward danced to when he was on Dancing with the Stars.  I then begin to think again, that if Hines can do it so can I.  Song ends and I look down at the time 6:45 left to go.  I realize (not as if the prompt shouldn’t have clued me in) that I really am over half way there.

Back to watching TV and trust me when I say that I am not feeling bad at this point, but my mind starts to play tricks on me.  My mind started telling me that I couldn’t finish.  That I needed to walk.  That it was important for me to give up.  That negative Sam came out in full force.  I IGNORED that voice and then I started to repeat to myself something that I tell my daughters all the time… “Suck it up and deal with it”!  Look down and I am at 4:33 left.

Oh my goodness… under 5 minutes left.  I know that I can do it!  I look around the gym.  I then turn back to the TV.  Ignore the little negative Sam.  Listening to “I’m Sexy and I Know It” by LMFAO.  The next thing I know is the voice prompt in the program says “1 minute to go”.  YES… 1 minute!

The last minute flies by and the next thing I know, I am in cool down mode of the program and in total disbelief that I actually jogged for 20 minutes straight.  I felt great, no aches, no pains and no labored breathing.  I actually felt good.

So I learned that I can push myself further than expected.  I also learned that the negative Sam is still around and that I have to occasionally ”beat her down”.  I guess listening to the negative all my life got me into the position that I am and now it is time to squash that negative talk and replace it with accomplishments!

Happy Friday everyone.  I sure hope you all have a blessed weekend 

Finding the strength within

I have spent the last 4 months making many sacrifices.  Food choices, partying with my girl friends and exercising at an obscenely early hour of the morning.  These sacrifices have lead me to a better place - physically, emotionally and mentally.  These sacrifices are part of my daily life.  These sacrifices are difficult, but necessary.

There are times when I think that I can't do something while on this journey.  For example, giving up birthday cake at a kids birthday party.  How can anyone pass up birthday cake.  It's not something that you eat every day and it is ohhhhhhh so good.  Birthday cake for Peter's sake... passing it up is more than difficult.  But passing it up is necessary.  

Throughout this journey I have had to rely on the strength that I have found within.  My inner strength, the desire to do something great with myself throughout this journey.  The desire to achieve my goal weight.  The desire to be a healthier and happier person.  The little Sam inside that continued to push and coax me on as the reality Sam thinks that I have to give up.  You see, to the little Sam inside, giving up is never an option.  

Find your inner strength, we all have it.  This inner strength can lead you to great things.  This inner strength can be fueled by a motivational factor.  Smaller clothes, better health, able to keep up with the kids, being a positive role model, or whatever you may find to be that motivator.  But use that motivator each time you feel that you just can't do something.  For me personally, the biggest motivator right now is to be down 75lbs by my 49th birthday.  Being down that many pounds will put me under 200lbs for the first time in 17 years.  This is a HUGE motivator for me and each day I remind myself of it.  This motivator really helps to ignite my inner little Sam and remind me why I have to do what I am doing each and every day.

Anyone and everyone has it in them to make the changes that they need to get healthy.   Everyone is able to do what I am doing, it is just a matter of finding that inner strength and your motivators to keep you going.  

The Little White Jacket

I began my own personal journey on November 13, 2011.  My goal at the time was to lose 110lbs.  I know that I have stated this before, but sometimes I need to be reminded of where I started and where I am headed.  


On New Year's Eve 2011, my family and I went to lunch, a movie and shopping.  We have always spent New Year's Eve in this fashion since the girls are younger and neither David and I are into the partying scene.  While out shopping we went into American Eagle because my oldest wanted to look at hoodies.  I personally have never shopped in this store because they do not carry plus sized clothing and this has been my "size" for as long as I can remember.  I decided to walk around and look at everything while Mak shopped for herself.  I found a pair of furry boots (like Uggs but a fraction of the cost) and thought that they would keep the toes warm on those snowy days (yes that meant not wearing flip flops).  I have worn the boots several times and am glad that I moved away from flip flops year round.


I walked to the back of the store, where all of the clearance items are housed.  I figured that I may be able to find something for the girls with everything that was on sale.  I came across a winter white pea coat.  I knew that my kids would never wear anything like that, but it is an absolutely beautiful coat and I couldn't take my eyes off of it.  I looked through the sizes and the biggest size that they had was an X-large.  I attempted to try it on and found out very quickly that it was entirely too small.  It was squeezing my upper arms, and wouldn't go all the way up around my upper arms, it was pulling very tight around my back, so much that I didn't want to move for fear that I would tear it.  And finally, I couldn't button it.  Up until that moment, I had actually started to feel good about myself and the progress that I was making in my weight loss journey.  That Little White Pea Coat killed my self esteem.  


My very supportive hubby and daughters all saw me looking (and attempting to try on) the little white jacket.  My oldest daughter walked over to me and told me that I should get it if it was something that I wanted.  Her logic was that I will "fit into it someday".  My hubby told me that he was certain that I would fit into, if not this winter than definitely next winter and for that reason alone, I should get the jacket that I love.  I hesitate quite a bit because honestly I could not imagine that I would actually lose the weight that I needed to in order for it to fit.  I didn't believe in myself.  I didn't trust myself to take off the pounds necessary to wear the little white coat.  But with all of my family believing in me, I caved to the family pressure and I bought the little white jacket... but in the back of my mind I kept thinking "what in the world are you doing".


5 days ago I went into the coat closet to hang up one of the girls winter coats.  And there it was... staring at me... calling me... that little white jacket.  I hesitated at touching it and instead opted to stare at it, as if it was going to talk to me.  Realizing that I needed to see what progress I have made in my journey towards wearing that little white jacket, I pulled it out of the closet and put it on.  I prepared myself for defeat, disappointment and sadness.  However, when I put on that little white jacket, I was not sad, I was not disappointed and I was not defeated.  The little white jacket went on and didn't feel like it was going to rip across my back.  It went up over my upper arms without any problems.  And the best thing of all... I was able to button it up and there were no gaps and no pulling!  This was a winning moment for me and one that will stay with me for a while.  


I am so glad that I gave that little white coat a chance.  I am glad that I listened to my family about purchasing it.  I am glad that I have worked hard to reach the point that I can wear that little white coat and feel good about it!  

Is running for me?

I started my journey on November 13, 2011.  When I began this journey I focused on nutrition only.  I did very little (almost none) exercise.  My thinking was that I needed to put all of my energy into learning how to feed my body right before I began to work out.  On January 2, 2012 I joined the local YMCA, as I had given myself time to learn about the nutritional aspect and now it was time to shift gears to exercise.  In my initial plan, I wanted to work out about 3-4 days a week.  

It is now February 21, 2012 and I have been at this work out "stuff" for a little over 7 weeks.  In that time I have challenged myself on the elliptical machine, treadmill, stair master, bike and even some weighs.  Each time I tried a new machine I wouldn't allow myself to fail.  I persisted until I reached a level and goal that i set for myself.  First it was little goals, like completing 30 minutes on the elliptical on resistance 8 or 15 minutes on the stair master on resistance 10.  Each time I pushed myself, I found that I could achieve the goals set forth!  Additionally, I have moved into working out 7 days a week.  I honestly feel horrible if I even think about missing a day at the gym.  

So now... the newest challenge for me, after watching 2 of my fellow gym rats, is to run.  As a "morbidly obese" female, I honestly don't think that I can actually run.  Heart rate, lung capacity and my joints and muscles not being used all concerned me with my current weight.  Yes, I know that I have lost some weight (almost 37 pounds to be exact), but I am still very much overweight.  But I am all about a challenge when it comes to the gym and it didn't help that someone told me that running will help "melt away the pounds".

So last week i decided to try my hand at running.  I downloaded a Couch to 5K (C25K) app (because that's they way I do everything).  The app is to prepare you for a 5K in 8 weeks.  You work on running 3 days a week for the 8 week time period and at the end of it, you are suppose to be able to run a 5K.  In the first week you walk briskly for 5 minutes, then rotate between 60 seconds of running and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.  Then you end with a cool down for 5 minutes.  Now it doesn't sound like much, but for someone who doesn't run at all, this made me sweat like you wouldn't believe and certainly got my heart racing!  Additionally, I decided that I needed to add some additional running into my routine and kicked it up a notch.  I ran 1 day in 3 different increments (2 minutes, 3 minutes and then 4 minutes).  Another day I challenged myself even more and did 3 different increments (6 minutes, 5 minutes and 5 minutes).  Throughout the week I noticed that I can push myself and I can run!  I may not be the fastest or able to complete many, many miles, but I can run... at my pace.

This week is Week 2 of my C25K.  I do a 5 minute warm up walk, rotation of 90 seconds jogging and 2 minutes briskly walking and end with a 5 minute cool down.  I completed day 1 and it kicked my butt.  Tomorrow is day 2 and I am excited to challenge myself again to complete day 2 and move onto day 3.  I am hoping that Week 3 won't kill me... but only time will tell.  

I am hoping that I can complete a 5K sometime in the future.  This C25K will take me to the middle of April to complete and that's just in time for 5K season.  I am not sure when I will run one, but I am determined to complete a while 5K and not just walking one.  

Challenge yourself.  Raise yourself and your workout to new highs.  If you don't try new things, you will never know what you are able to accomplish in life :)

Goal setting and earning those rewards

I have always been a person that sets goals (big and small) and then work my butt off to achieve those goals. Completing my Bachelors degree, moving onto a Masters degree are a great example of my goal setting and achievement.  This weight loss journey has been no exception to my goal setting.  


When I first started this journey 3 months ago today, I set a large goal of 110lbs of weight loss.  However, in order to make this HUGE goal manageable, I decided that it was very important to work towards smaller goals.  My first smaller goal was to lose 25lbs.  Now I hit this goal a few weeks ago, but this weekend I finally was able to get my reward.  On Saturday, a friend (who is also on her own journey and kicking butt while doing it) and I went to the mall.  What I purchased as my reward was something that truly depicts the journey that I am on.  I bought myself the Journey bead from Pandora.  For those of you not familiar with this bead, it has peaks and valleys, just like my journey.  Not all weeks will be successful in losing weight while I am on this journey.  There will be times when I am in a low, a valley, and there will be times when I am at a high, or a peak.  This bead truly does represent what I am doing in life and how difficult this journey is.  I would like to thank another friend for schooling me in this bead.  Carrie... I am so glad that I took the time to talk to you about the different Pandora beads!


Now don't think that this 25lbs mark would be my only goal.  I actually have achieved a variety of other little goals that I have set... specifically in the gym.  I set a goal of burning 1000 calories in 1 gym outing, and boy did achieving that goal feel so freaking good.  I set a goal of completing 5 miles on the elliptical in 65 minutes, and I was able to achieve that one (it happened to be the same day as the 1000 calories burned).  I wanted to achieve under a 15 minute mile on the treadmill and was able to complete this one today... knocking out a 14:10 minute mile.  A small goal but meaningful goal was for me to do at least 25 crunches on the Ab Solo machine.  Well I shattered that one and am now up to 50 crunches a day!  None gym related goals were to eliminate diet soda from my daily life, and I have been able to achieve that one.  I only enjoy a diet soda on truly special and meaningful days.  It is something that I find I don't need in my daily life.  And it doesn't stop there.  I have many, many, many more goals ahead of me. I will just keep striving to accomplish each and every one of them :)  


So today, I am now sitting 16.8lbs away from my next weight related goal.  I would love to be able to have a few BIG weeks of losses to get to that goal faster, but realistically I know that is not healthy and not food for keeping it off.  I have set the goal that I would like to reach this mark in 7 weeks.  If I hit it earlier than that point, its a bonus.  But I don't want to set myself up for failure as setting unrealistic goals will only provide you failure and I am not about that!


Below is a picture of my Journey Pandora bead.  This symbol means a great deal to me and just looking at it provides a smile.  Oh... my next 25lb goal reward will be another Pandora bead.  It is called the Inner Strength bead and is another one that truly represents this journey that I am on.  

Making the hard choices

Life is full of choices... some are easy and some are difficult.  Some choices are life changers.  Some choices you enjoy making and others are one's you wish someone else would make for you.  Some choices you make aren't what you want to do, but what you have to do.  


This weight loss journey has really shown me that I have made some wrong choices along the way.  I also learned that the choices that I have made in the past do not define who I am today.  I am making changes every day to change the long term affects of the choices that I have made. Those negative choices have included not working out, eating what I want and when I want it, eating fatty and fried foods a lot, and eating out unhealthy choices more than eating at home.  It is tough to know that I have created a situation for myself based solely on my own choices.  


This past Friday evening I attended the birthday party of a close friend's son.  It was a typical kids party, with pizza, soda and birthday cake.  It was from 9:30pm-midnight.  I had to make a hard choice about the food choices that I made at that party.  I knew that sweets are my downfall... as I love birthday cake and the super sweet icing that is on it.  I knew before ever stepping for into the bowling alley for that party that I COULD NOT allow myself even a sliver of that cake.  This choice wasn't because I am on a diet and I know that birthday cake is far too many calories (of which I had exercised enough on Friday to allow me to eat cake and not be over my calorie amount for the day) but because of my wanting to be stronger than a piece of cake.  I know that sounds silly, but I needed to exert my willpower over that piece of birthday cake.  I personally needed to know that I could stand and look at that cake and not want a single piece of it.  And you know what... I did.  I beat the birthday cake, I beat the pizza and I beat the soda.  This choice my friends, was the right choice.


In 2 days we will be celebrating my oldest daughter's 13th birthday.  There will be birthday cake.  And I will eat a piece.  This is a choice of importance, and celebrating my daughter entering into her teenage years is very important to me.  I now know that I am able to say "no" when necessary and not feel bad about it or think that I may die because I didn't indulge.  The day of her birthday, I will just spend a little bit more time working out so that I don't feel bad about the calories that I am eating.


Remember... the choices you make today will impact you for life.  Make your choices wisely.  

A humbling experience

I am 11 weeks into this weight loss journey and I have certainly learned a lot about myself, about the must for exercise and about eating healthier (and not giving up the things I love most).  Throughout this journey, there have been many that have told me that I have inspired them, or that my actions motivate them.  This certainly was never my intent when making the decision to write this blog and also post everything on social media sites.  However, I am honored, proud and humbled by the sheer fact that people have found me to be inspiring.  I have always said to close friends that if 1 person changes their unhealthy lifestyle because they read my posts or blog, then it was all worth it.  This is still the case and honestly it warms my heart to know that my little circle of friends and family are changing their lives to become a healthier unit.  


Last week, on 2 different days, I was contacted by 2 individuals.  One told me that I was her role model for the weight loss journey.  WOW... I have never considered myself a role model especially being as overweight as I am.  This statement impacted my life in more ways than this person could have imagined.  I am glad that I have touched her life in such a positive way.  She's working hard now and losing weight... 2 pounds this past week (she shared with me and I am VERY proud of her hard work)!  The second person is a family member and I received a text message from her.  This text message expressed that I "inspired her to start using the elliptical machine", which she confided in me is "kicking her butt".  Again, WOW!  How awesome is it that this person is working harder, on a new piece of gym equipment.  This particular person and I talked at Christmas and I shared my own experience on the elliptical machine.  I guess my story had inspired her into moving out of her comfort zone and towards a new work out!  Way to go ladies... your stories are actually an inspiration to me!


As inspiring as some people may find my story to be, it is those same individuals that I am inspired by as well.  Every day when I am lying in bed thinking that I could just stay under those warm covers and skip the gym, I am reminded of everyone out there who is getting up and getting it done.  I think about the example that I would be setting if I did wimp out.  I think about how many calories I can burn off in the work out and what that means to my body.  I think about the hard work that others are putting in.  Finally, I think about my family and closest friends who wouldn't want me to give up.  I know that by getting out of bed and doing what needs to be done, that 1 person may do the same.  That... is inspiration enough!  


I know that it may seem that I am tooting my own horn, but that really isn't the case.  As the title says, this is all very humbling for me.  It is hard for me to think that something that is as important to me as losing this weight, has caused such a fever in so many others and they are taking action to do the same.  I am humbled by people telling me that they are doing exercise on a Saturday afternoon because they thought of me getting up at 6am.  I am humbled by the out pour of support by friends, family and perfect strangers.  It is a difficult journey, but with your support I will continue to make it through!


One final note, as I can't leave without sharing my excitement.  When I began this weight loss journey, I told myself that I needed smaller goals because 110lbs was just too big to think about.  I broke my overall goal into 25lb markers.  Today's official weight in revealed that I have reached my first goal.  I lost 6lbs this week and this brings my total to 28lbs in 11 weeks.  I am so very excited to reach this first goal.  Also, as a reward, I will be purchasing the "Journey" Pandora bead.  This bead represents all the bumps along the road that is ahead of me.  I know, that with the support of my family and friends, that I can hurdle over these bumps and towards my own personal finish line.  


Thank you everyone!  I love you all and appreciate the support you have shown me!

My obsessions

After 10 weeks of being on this weight loss journey, you would think that I would change my ways.  And no I am not talking about food or eating issues, I am talking about my obsession with the scale.  I have a serious obsession with weighing myself daily... sometimes several times a day.  

I know, I know before anyone even thinks it... This is not smart.  It is not effective.  It is not normal.  It is not good for someone who has self esteem issues.  I get it.  But I can't stop!  It is a terrible obsession and I honestly don't know what to do to stop myself from doing it.  I wake up and the first thing I want to do is weigh myself.  After weighing myself, I head to the gym to get my work out on (which by the way is another part of the obsessions).  After working out, back at home and guess what I do again... if you guessed weigh myself then you know me too well.  After weighing myself it is shower time and immediately after the shower it is time to weigh myself again.  Geeze, just typing this I realize that I have a serious problem.  But generally after those weigh ins I stop for the day (although I have been known to weigh myself in the middle of the day).  And to make the problem worse, if the scale doesn't show numbers like I think that it should, it fuels my obsession even more until finally I am happy with one of the many numbers that I see.

So there I did the 1st step in any recovery program... I admitted that I have a problem.  But now I don't know what to do about it.  People have said just stop.  That is so much easier than done.  The scale is still in the bathroom and it is calling my name.  Even "hiding" the scale won't stop the behavior because I will play hide and seek until I find it.  So what's a girl to do?!?  

Well now onto the second obsession in my life... working out.  This couch potato for the last 39 years has found that working out is awesome.  I love heading to the gym, working my butt off (literally), sweating like there is no tomorrow and watching those calories burn off.  Even getting up at 5:09am every day during the week (at least on the weekends I get to sleep in a bit longer before heading to the gym) can't deter me from heading there.  I absolutely LOVE the gym.  I think more so than loving the gym, is me loving the calories that are being burned off.  And this week in particular, I love the gym because although the numbers on the scale didn't show any great returns... I only lost 1lb this week... I went shopping for a pair of jeans on Saturday and they were 2 sizes smaller than jeans I wore in November.  Now that's results!  And it is those results that feed into my obsessions.  

So I know that I need help, especially for the scale obsession.  I know that being this way with the scale is not healthy for me, especially the mental aspect of it all.  Maybe if I can just scale back (no pun intended) on the scale and possibly do it every other day.  I think though that is wishful thinking.  It is hard... it is draining... and it often deflates what little bit of self esteem that I am building up. 

So that's my story.  I have a problem and it is call the scale.  Do I feel better that I discussed it... maybe.  I just wished that I could get this obsession under control.  

Curve balls in every direction

Being and overweight woman (and this isn't a generalization about all overweight woman but just an observation about me), I am in the habit of eating my troubles and stresses away.  Have a bad day at work... nothing a few brownies or a gigantic ice cream sundae can't fix.  Having some difficulty with a teenager who is pushing every one of your buttons and then some... certainly a big bag of salty potato chips and a 2 liter of regular soda can't fix.  Did you just get some bad news and you aren't sure what it will mean for you... oh the perfect compliment to this is a big juicy cheeseburger large value meal.  


So as life has thrown curve balls my way I have learned over my lifetime that food was the comfort to run too.  This comfort has caused me to be in the situation that I am currently (that and just plan overeating).  It is definitely hard to change a behavior that has been ingrained in your head for 30+ years.  A behavior that has always "made you feel better".  A behavior that "takes away the pain".  


In the past 2 weeks I have had many curve balls thrown my way.  First it was hearing news at work that wasn't very appeasing to me and went completely against what I was told about 1 month ago.  Then it was the untimely death of my husband's younger cousin who lives 400 miles away from us.  There was the surgery of a dear elderly family member.  My daughter telling us that she needs x, y and z for volleyball and then in the same breathe telling us that she needs $139 for her class field trip.  Stress, these past 2 weeks, has been my middle name.  


This time however, I did not turn to food.  I turned instead to exercise.  The first bout came with the work stress.  After leaving work I called my husband in tears on the phone.  I was angry and i needed to vent.  By the time I got home from work, I was not only angry, but I was starving.  I cooked dinner and eat the portion that I would have eaten if I wasn't in the foul mood I was in.  I then asked my 13 year old if she wanted to go to the gym and, with her by my side, off we went.  1 hour and 45 minutes later we returned home and I felt WONDERFUL!  It was amazing to not stuff my face but instead work off the frustrations that I had.  It was great to burn off over 850 calories.  It was great to feel good after taking out my frustrations instead of feeling guilty that I had just eaten a large combo meal.  


The next few stressors allowed me to have the same reaction and thus confirm that I could eliminate the comfort foods and instead find a new way to deal with life's stresses.  I worked out and felt better.  Even while in Michigan for the family member's funeral, I took to the hotels fitness center and workout the stresses of being there.  Honestly... I don't miss the food.  I don't miss the guilt.  I don't miss watching the scale increase after a night of binge eating.  


I a certain that there will come a time in my weight loss journey that will cause me to binge eat due to stress.  I am not perfect and know that thinking any other way would be foolish.  As I am 9 weeks into this journey, what I do know is that I have found other ways to manage the stress.  Other avenues to vent my frustration.  The things that I learn are important to allow me, and others, life long success.  


Thank you again to everyone that has shown their support to my journey.  The outpouring of support for me through all of this has been amazing.  I am truly blessed to know so many wonderful people who genuinely care about my success.  Thank you does not quite express my feelings for each of you.  

Perfect... negative self talk

This past week I began working out.  I joined a gym (the local YMCA) and set a goal for myself of going to the gym to work out at least 3 days each week.  I think it is important for me to be realistic (3 days a week) but also serious about getting myself healthier and continuing on this weight loss journey.  Going to the gym has actually turned into something that I enjoy and over the first week I made it there 6 days.  Now 2 of those days were shortened days (only 40 minutes to spare) but I am still excited that I made it there!  

So while I complete my "workout" I listen to music on my iPhone.  While listening the other day the song F***** Perfect (or the cleaned up version is called Perfect) by Pink came on.  I really started to listen to the words and it was an eye opening experience.  The song talks about negative self talk and the view that you should have of yourself.  The song was talking about me!  There have been so many times that I negative talk myself (your thighs are so disgusting, your butt is huge, you won't ever lose the weight, people stare at you because you are so huge, etc.).  This negative self talk has allowed me to stay in the same path for as long as I have.  You see it's easier to stay the same and listen to that inner negative voice than it is to make the necessary changes and stop listening to the inner you.  

But like I said, the song also reminds you that you need to stop all the negative and begin to believe in yourself.  That isn't an easy thing to do, especially when you have been listening to the negative for 30+ years, but it is very important in order to make the necessary changes that need to be made.  So I am trying each day to find one thing that I can be positive about regarding myself.  Whether its a good hair day, or the color of my eyes, or the fact that I did 60 minutes on the elliptical machine, I am finding those positives and focusing on them.  

One final thing that has really helped me to remain so focused and positive about what I am accomplishing is the impact that I see my journey making on others.  So many people have reached out to me to encourage me along in my journey or to tell me that they are making changes in their own lives because of what I have done.  This is a huge boost to my confidence and also makes me feel wonderful about the blog and posting everything on Facebook.  It is hard for me to admit that I am extremely overweight (and yes I know that's pretty darn obvious) but knowing that someone or anyone has read this blog or my posts and they want to make changes is amazing and encouraging to me.  So thank you to everyone for your continued support.   Thank you for helping me to get rid of the negative voices and replacing them with the positives.  

New Year's Resolutions... can you keep them?

Every year, thousands and thousands of people make New Year's Resolutions to begin a fresh beginning to the year.  And every year, thousands upon thousands of people break their resolutions. I must include myself in those numbers because every year I seem to break what I resolve to change.  Last year for example, I set a New Year's resolution to stop texting while driving (I know that's bad... I don't need any lectures).  The first few days of the year went well and then I just fell of the wagon.  I will say though, that I do not text and drive nearly as much as I use too and I will only do it when I am alone in the car.  When the girls are with me, I have them answer my texts (with my responses of course).

I guess this is why I didn't start my weight loss journey on January 1st.  Instead, I chose to start it on an obscure Sunday in November 2 weeks before Thanksgiving (also not a good idea!).  But the point to this is, I was not resolving just to lose weight for the New Year... thus setting myself up to fail.  I wanted to make lasting changes to my lifestyle, including watching what I eat and exercising.  Now I am not saying that all New Year's resolutions fail, but by far more people fail than are successful.

So this year, because weight loss is at the forefront of my mind, a few of my resolutions are in place to help me along with this weight loss journey.  For one, I am striving to eliminate diet soda from my diet.  I am and probably always will be a diet soda junkie (I can drink about 5 20oz bottles a day).  I can drink it for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I prefer Diet Decaf Pepsi, but honestly I will drink Diet Coke if it is the only thing around.  Drinking diet soda, according to some recent studies, can actually increase your appetite and also has been linked to craving more sugary foods.  OUCH!  That's not what I want from anything that I put into my body, especially when I am working so hard to eliminate the overeating and the sweets that I sometimes crave.  So diet soda is out for me and it will be interesting to see how long this one lasts.  It is now 3 days into the New Year and yes I want a soda!  But I know that these little changes can mean bigger rewards down the road.

The next resolution that I set is that I want to work out at least 3 days per week.  Now that doesn't sound like much, but I am a person who never worked out.  And this is the minimum.  If I get 4 or 5 days in... that's a bonus.  Again, I didn't want to set myself up for failure and say work out 5 days and then disappointment myself when I only made it 4.  It is all about making the necessary life changes to take the weight off and keep it off.  Working out 3 days a week will definitely help to make this happen.  So far this year... I have worked out 3 days already.  Does that mean I am done for the week; absolutely NOT!  I am planning on working out at least 2 more days this week.  This means that I will be over for the week, but that's certainly not a bad thing.  One more note about this topic of working out.  I decided to join the local YMCA so that I could use a variety of equipment.  This variety will allow me to work different muscle groups and strengthen my whole body and not just one specific area.  I have used thus far the elliptical (one of my favorites), the stationary bike and today's adventure was with the stair climber machine (which I must report that I hate because my thighs and butt are killing me!!!!).  I do enjoy going to the gym, especially since my almost 13 year old daughter has been working out with me.  This healthy adventure has become contagious in my house :)

My next 2 resolutions were personal things that I want to accomplish this year, and not related to weight loss at all.  I have been inspired by a friend of mine who last year set a goal to read and review 200 books last year.  Tiffany actually was able to reach her goal and to me that is such a wonderful accomplishment.  I love to read, but did not think that I could undertake such a lofty goal.  Instead, I have set the goal of reading 50 books this year.  I know that isn't many, but when I normally take my time reading and often will put a book down for weeks in between each reading, this is incentive for me to keep plugging along until the end of the year.  Who knows, I may even add in reviewing the books that I pick up on Amazon as well... Thank you Tiffany for your inspiration!

Finally, I must admit that I am a terrible mom.  Yes I love my kids with every ounce of my being.  Yes I would do anything to protect my kids.  Yes I want to provide my girls with everything in the world so that they can be even more successful than their father and I.  But... I have boxes and boxes and boxes of pictures just sitting around my house.  I use to scrapbook, oh like 10 years ago (before Abbygail).  I have 2 beautiful scrapbooks of Makaela as a little girl.  I have NOTHING done of Abbygail.  To be quite honest, I am not sure if I even have that many pictures of Abbygail

So that's it... Sam's 2012 New Year's Resolutions.  I pray for the strength from God to continue to persevere through this weight loss journey.  I pray for continued strength as I press on to work out and build my physical strength.  I pray for understanding that I may not accomplish each of these resolutions but that I will do my best to uphold what I want to accomplish in this new year.  Finally, I pray for the ability to accept that I may break a resolution (like the no diet soda) but not beat myself up and just get back on board with the changes that I need to make to provide positive changes for my future.

Happy 2012 Everyone!